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How to Stop Pretending

Louie Bacaj
Louie Bacaj
1 min read
How to Stop Pretending

I am not a very good public speaker, but I get better each time I am forced to do it.

"Man, Sometimes you have to play a long time to be able to play like yourself." -Miles Davis

The stuttering, shaky voice, the constant "um's," that's not me. If you and I were to talk privately and shoot the shit over a beer, I promise I'd never stutter or throw any "um's" between words. So that public speaker isn't the real me. The real me is the guy drinking a beer with you.

But the thing is the only way the real me will ever come out in a public speaking setting is if I do it long enough and enough times to get rid of the nerves completely.

It takes many reps to stop pretending, to just let go and start being yourself.

I cringe at some of my earlier writing from a few years ago. Yet, I am glad I started writing at all and happy I ramped up the iterations this year on it. I look back at some of my code from my earlier side projects, and I am embarrassed, yet if I hadn't written that code that way, I wouldn't be able to do what I can now. I wouldn't be the capable me that I am now at any of this stuff.

It's a sad existence never to bother putting in the reps at anything to let the real you come out; it's sad never to find out who you are.

But like Miles Davis says, we either play a long time or we'll never find out.